It’s great to find humor is unpleasing situations, won’t you agree?
Monday, I had a court date for child support at 8:00 am. Like a typical light skinned responsible woman I showed up early. On the last court date, the non-custodial parent called at 10:15am, keep in mind the appointment was at 8:00 am, and said he would not make it due to the fact he was out of town. Ahhhh*BullSh*t*Choo!! Excuse me, I’m catching a cold. So I asked the clerk how long do they wait for both parties to show up before being called into the office. She said 10:00 am to 10:30 am. Already that put me in a bad mood. I’m thinking “So basically I have to sit here ‘til 10:30 at the latest just to see if this n-word is gonna show up?” With the desperate attempt to not complain and be patient, I decided to read my bible, lol.
The following 2 hours was quite the event. I’m telling you, I COULD NOT make this up if I tried. Based on everything I observed I came up with a list, which I tweeted and called:
1. Don't tell your baby momma, "Imma have my sister kick your ass! Just wait, you’ll see! Yep, as soon as she gets out of jail!" ...in front of your kids.
2. Make sure your child gets through the entrance before you let go of the door, that way they won’t get stuck between the door frame and door yelling "DADDY! HELP!"
3. Don't make friends with other men solely on the fact that the only thing you have in common is back child support.
4. Don't bring your kids and yell "SAY BYE TO YO' DADDY!" after you get into an altercation.
5. It’s probably not the best idea come to the courthouse smelling like weed.
6. Don't talk about how much money SHE got your for on the phone in the lobby...everybody's listening…and we’re nosey!
7. Non-Custodial Parents: To avoid horrible attitudes, be on time, that way you only get a slight attitude.
8. Don't bring your new boo with you…what the hell were you thinking?
9. Don't hit on other women in front of your baby momma.
10. And don’t tell the woman you’re hitting on that you make cute babies, because you are clearly not paying for your cute babies.
-Rules Based On True Events-
And to make the trip even more worth my while, this happens…
A couple walks in they had one baby with them. Over a period of half an hour they have five kids with them. I'm very confused..... and nosey. Where did these kids come from? I watched them walk in. After some heavy observation I concluded that this dude is in here with both of his baby mammas. Outlook: not so good.
They are questioning all of them including the kids.
Long story short, as I watch the tension rise over 45min, his most recent baby momma, the one he is dating GOES OFF! “I’m not f*ck*ng with you no more Tyreek! You a low budget a** n*gga! Lying about how much you make!? Really?!” She grabs her two kids and storms out, the other baby momma with the 3 little boys storms out as well.
A white woman, in a suit, sitting in front of me turns, looks at me and says, “I feel like doing that kind of sh*t all the time. But I just don’t. We gotta keep it together, you know what I mean?”
I was in tears. I thought I was an extra in Baby Boy 2. (Straight to DVD)
But with all jokes aside, dealing with the courthouse and the other parent can be very frustrating and time consuming. Please remember to set an example for your kids. It’s best not to show any emotion at all, but if you feel you really need to exchange some words, do it when the kids aren’t there!
Laughs and Lessons! xo
As a single mom, sometimes you just want to get away, and it's not always an option to get away without the kid/s.
For the fly LA single mom, I found a great get-away that includes a nice little road trip….
My girlfriend Samelia and I decided to take our kids on a road trip to Dallas, Texas. Sedona, was our stop on the way. (Click here to check out Samelia's awesome beauty blog!)
First off, when traveling with kids, be sure to have a cooler filled with snacks, sandwiches and water. Also, some activities or electronics in case they get bored or start to irritate you while you are trying to navigate the road. If your kids are anything like ours…music and conversation about the view should be enough to keep them occupied.
The drive to Sedona should take less than 7 hours if you leave Los Angeles in the early morning. Unfortunately we left in prime traffic, so it took us 9 hours! Ugh! So by the time we got to the Flagstaff area it was already pitch black outside, and we couldn't see any of the beautiful rocky canyons. But we did avoid hitting all the crazy elk that ran out into the middle of the road. We stayed at the "ENCHANTMENT
" resort. It was hard to see anything in the dark. We parked our car and hotel guest services unloaded our luggage onto a golf cart and drove us up to our "casita." Our guide explained to us that the resort was literally in the canyon, but we couldn't see anything. The view we woke up to was amazing!
This resort is absolutely perfect for people who live an active and healthy lifestyle. The list of activities, included in the resort fee, seemed endless. Up to 20 different free* activities on a daily schedule. Some of these activities include; 5 kinds of yoga, cooking, photography, juicing, tea making, hiking; various core training and fitness classes, lectures, gardening, watercolor painting, tennis and wine tasting. Many classes are child friendly. The also have a day camp called "Camp Coyote" for children ages 4-12. It is an additional cost, depending on full, half day, or evening, but a great way to be able to keep the kids occupied so you can escape to the spa.
I highly recommend this place, and if you can, I would go with a boo thang, very romantic and sexy.
Travel and LIVE baby mommas!
Today's Must-Have Monday!
I originally bought this product before my trip to Maui and I must say alba BOTANICA's hawaiian after-sun lotion is amazing. The natural acids in the coffee revitalize circulation and soften the skin while the the green tea and caffeine help neutralize the free radicals incited by your skin being exposed to the sun. And get this, it's pH balanced, hypo-allergenic, sulfate/sodium free and made with 100% vegetarian products. The bottle is also made with recycled materials. So, not only is it the perfect after-sun pick me up, it's also eco-friendly!
I used this lotion after hiking in Sedona, Arizona. It left my skin smelling amazing! Check back soon, for my next post about Sedona.
| || |2013 Forbes List highest paid actress
on television, Sofia Vergara
, is my woman crush this wednesday.
Divorced in '93 from her high school sweet heart, Sofia not only raised her son on her own but still managed to become successful with life tragedies of murder and disease.
Sofia says, " To be a pretty girl, to be a voluptuous girl, has opened many doors for me. I would be ungrateful to say it's all because of my brains and talent...but I have stayed working for over 20 years."That's called using your assets to their full potential!
Sofia and her handsome son Manolo.
I just had the ultimate mommy get-away!
With a lot of hard work, I was truly blessed and fortunate enough to take myself, yeah I said TAKE MYSELF, to Hawaii so I could celebrate my, yet again, 21st birthday!
I stayed in Lahiana, Maui for 7 days at Ka'anapali Beach. It was just the R&R I needed. I was able to clear my mind, read more than one book, get my goals and perspective back in order and on track and of coarse I was able to explore the beautiful island of Maui.
I remember when I was first planning the vacation, I called my mother on the phone and asked her,
"Am I a bad mom if I go to Hawaii for my birthday and I don't take my daughter with me?"
My mother not only told me the truth, she gave me a non-bias opinion and told me something all mothers need to understand. Her answer was no. She reminded me that I need to do things for myself sometimes. We as mothers make our children our number one priority, which is how it should be, but we also have to put ourselves as our number one priority. If we are not healthy and sane, how will we provide for our children and treat them they way they deserve to be. I know I am not the only mother that has gotten frustrated or overwhelmed and snapped at my child when she did not deserve it.
We need to be sure that we are doing things to release our stress in a healthy manner. For example, going to the gym, doing yoga, being outdoors, picking up on a new sport...pretty much anything that allows you to have time to yourself doing something that you enjoy, that does not involve any responsibilities! Even if it's only for 30 mins a day, or if you plan it accordinally...a week in Maui or the destination of your choice.
May I also add...don't let anyone make you feel guilty about doing something for you. A few people had asked me why I wasn't taking my daughter with me and where she was going to be while I was away. First of all, if they are not family, IT IS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS. Secondly, obviously as a responsible and loving parent, you will make sure your child is well taken care of while you are able to escape for the short amount of time you will be away. Thirdly, enjoy.
And if you do ever go to Hawaii...make sure you rent a jeep wrangler with a removable or soft top ;-)
Peacefully and Soundly,
We always wash our fruits and vegetables before we cook or serve them. But what are the main reasons we do this? The most common reasons are to wash off dirt and germs. But water may not take care of that. There are also other things like pesticides, waxes and chemicals that may be sprayed on the crops, especially if they aren't organic, that water will also not take care of. So what's the solution to make sure the yummy fruit your munchkin loves to eat is safe? Here's one simple inexpensive solution.
I buy mine at Trader Joe's for under $3.00 and one bottle goes a long way for my household of just me and my daughter. Another green solution that has been known to work better than water is a 1:1 ratio of white vinegar and water. If you're one of those people who believes washing your fruits and veggies doesn't make a difference, or use that saying "God made dirt, dirt won't hurt." Let me show the difference of blueberries washed with water and blueberries washed with the fruit&veggie wash.
The picture on the left is blueberries washed with water. See that waxy look? Now look at the blueberries to the right. Those are the same blueberries after I used ONE DROP of the fruit&veggie wash. I massaged the wash thoroughly and rinsed. They are beautiful dark blueberries the same color as on the inside. So now tell me how you feel. Stop feeding your babies dirty fruits and veggies. You don't know where they've been, who has touched them and what they've been exposed too. You wouldn't let your child eat something off the floor right? And if you do...stop using the excuse that it will help build their immune system! You're DEAD wrong for that! I know sometimes buying organic may not be an option, and that it can be expensive in grocery stores. There are a couple of alternatives. #1. Find a farmers market in your community! There are probably more than you think and they set up once a week. You could literally buy your fruits and veggies for the whole week for $20.00. When you cut the middle man out, you get discounts! #2. Buy fruits and veggies that are less likely to be exposed to pesticides and chemicals. How can you tell the difference you ask? Well, by this awesomely illustrated chart I found on ecomom.com (This is a great website to buy all the green products a mom could need!)
So if that chart didn't do it for you...may God bless you with great health! It's very important to know where our food comes from, because we hardly know what we are putting in our mouths. I always tell my friends to watch documentaries like Food, Inc. and Fork Over Knives, and it's so funny to see their reactions. They all say, "No I don't want to watch it," or "I don't want to know, it will spoil all my favorite foods for me." And the truth is it will! Ignorance is not bliss if you get sick from it or even die! if you enjoy living, your health is all you got! I was talking to my mom about this a little while back and she said, "You know it's crazy because it the bible Abraham was like hundreds of years old, and people lived so much longer in the bible days, I often wonder what is it that we are doing different that causes us to die so young." Obviously there are a lot of factors, technology, medicine, etc. But food is one thing that WE CAN control. Choose to take control, it takes discipline! But it's do able!
Stay healthy baby mommas!
"Of course you're tired Lexi! You're a single mom and you're working like a Jamaican with all those jobs! Get some sleep!"
Sometimes sleep is not an option. Think about all those times your kid falls asleep in the car, before you get a chance to go home and take a nap with them. Sometimes we miss our chance on extra sleep. We already workout in the mornings to gain that extra boost of energy and try to eat foods that are nutritious to keep us going. But then 2:30 rolls around and you can barely keep your eyes open...or just fall asleep with your eyes open. I know this is starting to sound like a 5-hour energy commercial, but I swear it's not. And STOP TAKING THAT CRAP! Stop drinking red bull, monsters and popping energy pills. Pretty much anything that makes your piss look like anti-freeze after you consume it, is probably not good for you. There is something better!
This vitamin is for sissies! I am what you call a S.I.S.S.Y. (Severe Itis Sufferer Sucka Yep)
I suffer from "The Itis" everyday. (And if you don't know what "The Itis" is click here
now.) As soon as I eat lunch, barbecued ribs or not, I get extremely tired. And because I always eat before I go into work, it's hard for me to get in the groove of things. I started taking one of these with my lunch everyday and it has CHANGED MY LIFE! I carry a bottle in my work bag and when I notice one of my co-workers has a case of the yawns and/or itis as well, I tell them to pop one. They all rave about how it works almost instantly!
This is all natural with no caffeine, guarana or any other shady controversal uncle sam the the legal drug dealer stuff.
Take one with your meal and make sure to drink plenty of water when taking vitamins. And if you want an extra boost. Drink some Emergen-C with your meal as well. It is also packed with B vitamins.
Boost up with Vitamin B Baby Mommas! It's super mom fuel!
Well, let's be honest! A lot of us do.
But a lot of them are some bullsh*t...all revolving around this "dating game" that we all think we have to play. But the truth is we don't! So throw, "Why Men Love B*tches" out the window......well you should still read it, it's pretty funny with valuable information, but not every man wants to be with a B*TCH forever. And forget about Steve Harvey's Think Like A Man, Act Like A Lady. Stop following rules, just learn to understand yourself as a women and how to recognize a superior man when he steps in front of you. (I mean, unless you wish to settle for mediocracy!)
Now I love to read books, but I stopped reading relationship advice books after I picked up this one.
I pretty much have made this book a pre-requisite for any man who wants to date me. haha. Just kidding. But I have given this book to men who are special to me because I want them all to be superior.
Now, this may seem like a book written for a man, which it is, but the information in this book is very valuable for a woman, for Deida explains why us woman are the way we are, emotional creatures, and how a superior man should deal with our emotions and reactions.
Stop letting men tell you "You're too emotional!" "Stop making decisions based off your feelings!" GOD made man, MAN and woman, WOMAN. We don't have to think like men to get the relationship we want, but it is important to understand how they think. I believe that is one of the greatest missions we have on earth, learning to understand each other.
"This is an EXTRAORDINARY read!"
There is another amazing book to read by David Deida that was written specifically for women.
A few friends of mine said you should read Dear Lover first then Superior Man. I actually read Superior Man first. But Dear Lover is a very good book to read if you are a woman with a hardened heart and are in need of some softening. Deida starts each chapter with a love letter, speaking to you as his own lover and apologizes for taking you for granted. This book is a wonderful massage!
Learn to be who you are single mommas! Don't let anyone try to change you, and never try to change a man. Look at each person that comes in your life, men, friends, girlfriends and ask yourself, "Can I accept this person into my life just as they are today?" Don't look for 'potential'! "Well he could potentially be a good candidate." For the sole reason, that some people never change and you can never expect them too.
Read! Improve your knowledge!
I would be lying if I said I've never gotten carried away while shopping, especially for clothes. You know those times when you plan to go shopping with a budget in mind and you over spend.
"I'm not going to spend more than $75!" Then you find some to die for pieces and end up spending $125.
Being a single mother that works hard for that cheddah, I can't really afford to go on a shopping binge, every time I step out to buy a new outfit. So, I came up with a strategy that I like to call Style Prioritizing. This strategy consists of choosing to spend more on the "center piece" (the article of clothing that really makes the outfit) and less or nothing at all on simple pieces.
For example: Shoes are always, always important. But depending on what you find while shopping, your center piece will either be denim, a blouse or a jacket. If you feel like denim, then spend the money on the jeans, and hit the clearance rack for a simple top. As long as you got a good pair of shoes and good taste in accessories, there is no need in buying some fancy top, you could wear a basic black or colored tank top and still be killing 'em.
If your center piece happens to be a blouse or a jacket, spend the money on that and find some leggings or a simple skirt to complete the outfit.
I typically spend good money on jeans and shoes, but I always hit up Nordstrom Rack or Loehman's, that way I am still getting designer pieces but at a great price. You can always find great shoes at DSW and Marshall's and sometimes you can get really good deals every blue moon at Ross or T.J. Maxx. Although, I feel like your shoe size determines what you will be able to find. I have huge feet, size 10, but what you may not know is size 9 is average for women. That's why I always see all the cute shoes in size 6, 7, and 8, but can never find those same shoes in my size. So, buying shoes can be a challenge for me. Buying shoes online is a little easier, but I will only buy brands that I am familiar with and how they fit my feet, cause you can't try on on-line shoes.
I tried out the Kardashian's online shoe company, where you pay $40 a month and get to pick out a pair of shoes. They have some very cute and stylish shoes, but they were to narrow for my feet. Disappointing.
When it comes to buying the basics (shirts, tank tops, leggings, skirts) I like to go to the super cheap stores. In L.A. there is a chain of stores called Hi-Fashion $5.99 and up! LOL great name right? But this store is the shizz. You wouldn't really think so with all of the outfits they have displayed in the window, looks like an extension of the Slauson Swap Meet. But when it comes to basics, they got it all! Mini-skirts, tanks, leggings or all colors, hats, scarfs, and cheap sunglasses.
But please, please, don't buy cheap, tacky jewelry, or anything plastic.
A few other things to note:
Sometimes you'll find a great dress or jacket at a smashing price, but it may not fit exactly the way you'd like it to so you put it back on the rack. No-No! Buy it and take that baby to the tailors. It's amazing how tailoring a cheap dress can make you look like a million bucks. And tailoring is very inexpensive, but it can take up to a week to get back depending on how busy the tailor is.
When jeans begin to rip take them to a jean repair shop, also pretty inexpensive. Or add some extra rips and let that be the style.
When jeans begin to fade and are looking a little too casual to wear out, dye them. Especially the black jeans. You can buy a box of "Rit" dye at the grocery store. I think it's like $5 and you can dye your jeans back to life. Resurrect your denim! You can do the same with your leggings.
Buy a handheld steamer. Steaming your clothes, especially your tops, skirts and dresses, will help you keep them clean and fresh, rather than washing them too much and end up damaging them.
Buy smart baby mama's and take good care of your threads, it'll save you $ and you'll still look good.
The relationship between my daughter's dad and I is not the best. Well, in reality, we have no relationship at all. He's never met her and he's well aware of her existence. But let's save all of the "what an a**hole" and "how could someone not want to be in their child's life" comments, because honestly, I'm over it. I've accepted the situation and made the best of it, and today I can honestly say that I have forgiven him for the pain he has caused me and the pain he will cause my daughter if he chooses to never be in her life. I didn't forgive him because he asked me to, I forgave him because I needed to in order to live my life.
Forgiving someone is not easy, hence the title, "Achieving." For God has made forgiveness a heroic deed. But forgiveness is also something you can not force, for only time and love can heal you and you need to be healed in order to forgive.
My healing process has taken over 2 years.
About a 2 years ago, I saw my daughter's father in court and it was the first time I had seen him since my 2 month pregnancy check up, a year and a half since I last saw him. I was aware of the court date a couple of weeks prior. I was fasting and praying that he would show up, not be difficult and that I would have the opportunity to tell him that I had forgiven him, believing at the time that I finally had.
As I sat with the state attorney after waiting for two hours for him to show up, I felt I had prayed for a lost cause. The attorney told me that since he failed to appear the case would move in default in my favor. As he was escorting me out into the hallway, my daughter's father was walking in. I can't describe the feeling that came over me. My heart dropped like I was at the peak of a roller coaster ride. I swear it stopped beating for 30 seconds and then began racing 100 miles per minute.
He pretended to be preoccupied on his blackberry, and there we sat next to each other in front of the case worker. He didn't even look at me. Had nothing to say. Still on his blackberry, I looked over to see what he was doing. He was literally just scrolling back and forth through the menu icons on his phone. Avoiding confrontation.
The case workers asked us our full names to verify our identities. She then asked him if he was confirming paternity over the child. He hesitated, stuttered, and then preceded by saying no. I wasn't shocked that he said no, but I still wonder to this day why he hesitated. He knew he was the father, but I knew he would say no to be difficult. The case worker left to get forms to schedule a genetic testing. I took that as an opportunity to break the ice.
"So, how are you? Are you doing okay?"
He looked to me with a blank stare.
"Really? How am I? Am I okay? This is some bullshit!"
He rubbed his hands over his face, breathed deeply and started playing with is phone again.
Anger, filled me up inside and then I became very anxious. I couldn't sit still without shaking my foot. The case worker came back with a form for me to fill out. I filled it out and she said I was free to leave. He was still filling out his form. I got up and left without saying a word. I walked out into the hallway and waiting patiently for the elevator. I got on the elevator, it was empty. As soon as the doors closed, tears came streaming down my face. I wasn't crying, I wasn't sobbing, but my soul was.
It was then that I realized a few things.
1. I hadn't forgiven him.
2. He didn't want or need my forgiveness.
3. My forgiveness for him is really for myself.
I also began to understand that all the lashing out he had done towards me was from pain that someone else had cause him. And it was pain he has yet to be healed from. It doesn't make his actions right, but out of love I chose to understand and let it be what it is.
11 months later...
At court again. After two strikes of not showing up, this time, he was there waiting by the time I go to court. He had requested that we meet with the case worker separately. So we didn't speak at all. We negotiated through the case worker and she expressed to me that he was open to paying more than he was ordered to pay. The case worker and I came up with a number based on the amount of income he was claiming and he actually agreed. There was no drama, it was resolved, it was quick and we departed. And as I walked to my car I felt a sense of pride for him. I was happy that he was finally taking responsibility. Not because we need his money, because we don't. We have been doing just fine without any support from him. But because I know he was at a very low point in his life and it seemed as if he was finally getting himself together and doing better.
That small feeling I had was confirmation that I had been healed.
About a year ago, I heard through mutual friends that he is in love with a young woman and they just got engaged. I was kind of shocked that he could actually feel that way about someone, but honestly, I am so happy for him. I think regardless of what horrible evil things someone has done, that everyone deserves to be in love, no matter how undeserving we are. He doesn't need my happiness or forgiveness to move on with his life. He probably doesn't even care. But I can't tell you how free and full of love of feel now that I have achieved forgiveness.
Love heals everything. God is Love.
Be forgiving baby mommas! I love y'all.